Entry Seven: February 18, 2008

When I woke up I knew I’d overslept. I could hear Xavi moving around. Cursing myself that I wouldn’t be able to make a clean exit, I sat up, attempted to tame my hair.

His head appeared from the kitchen and ambled over, placing a quick kiss on my lips, “If you want to shower and use the bathroom go on ahead. Breakfast will be ready soon.” I grabbed the driest clothes I could find from my bag and wandered into the bathroom in his room, fingers resting on my mouth in bewilderment. Not caring that his soap and shampoo wasn’t feminine scented, I lathered up, taking a quick shower. I felt like this was too intrusive, and wanted to be out quick.

Tying my wet hair up into a messy bun, I yanked on the tee I’d found along with the well-worn sweat pants. I looked pathetic, but it was better than damp clothes.

Xavi had prepared a feast for breakfast – eggs, sausage, toast, and fruit was spread out across the small table that was in the corner of the kitchen. I sat down when he insisted, and allowed him to pile food on my plate. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been given the chance at such a large meal. Normally, this is what I ate over a span of three days.

When I’d first been homeless and didn’t know how to search for food, I’d been practically skeletal for several months. Now I was skinny, but had gained back some of my curves.

“You didn’t have to use the sofa,” Xavi said as I bit into one of the strawberries. I shot him a wry smile, “I’ve slept on a park bench for the last two years. A sofa is like heaven.” He bobbed his head, taking a bite of the sausage. As I ate be observed me, and I dropped my gaze, wondered what he was looking for, and if he was finding it.

“I have to leave for practice soon, but you’re welcome to stay here,” he offered. I wondered if he expected me to stay or not. I wasn’t. I nodded anyway, not wanting to appear rude.

As soon as he left I gathered my things, but as I hoisted my bag on my shoulder, the same emptiness filled me as the time I had walked away before. Only this time it was worse. I stood in the hallway in front of the door for half an hour, debating what would be the best thing to do.

Finally I accepted that needed to go, so I was back out on the street.

I wandered around aimlessly until nightfall, and I was back on my trusty bench. It felt really uncomfortable after having a sofa the previous night. However, I had only been there for an hour when it began to rain again, and I let out a groan.

Xavi had said he would house me when it rained, but that seemed too generous. However, the longer I laid there, the rain turned into snow. Ice began to gather, and I decided it was pushing it. Gathering my things once more, I trudged the distance to his apartment.

I slumped my shoulders as I rang the doorbell, wondering if he’d even want to see me after I literally ran away without a word or note earlier today.

However, almost as soon as I rang the door yanked open. “Thank God,” he said, pulling me in through the door.

“Madre mía you’re freezing,” he said as he shut the door, flurries just managing to fly in. His hands knocked snow from my shoulders and hair as he took my backpack, setting it next to his training bag. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “For leaving or coming back?” he asked, yanking at my soaked jacket. I yielded to his every action. “Both,” I admitted.

“I didn’t expect you to be there when I got back,” he admitted, “And I wasn’t sure you’d come back either.”

“I almost didn’t, but I was so cold,” I murmured, still shivering. His body was closer in an instant as he pulled me close, warming me up as his hands moved to my shirt. Warm hands slipped under as he rubbed my lower back. At the same time he pulled me forward until we were in his room. He let go – my body was instantly like ice – and retrieved some flannel pajama bottoms and a long sleeve thermal shirt.

“Here,” he offered me the clothes. I took them without complaint, and changed in the bathroom. When I was out of the door, still shivering, Xavi tossed my clothes into the hamper – then, taking my hand, he pulled me to his bed.

He wrapped me in a warm embrace, and I was out within minutes, feeling happier than I had in almost a decade.


~~

Carles was the first thing I saw when I left my office. Of course he was – it was like I somehow always managed to single him out in a sea of faces and people.

He smiled at me, but I had no will to return it. Instead I managed a measly smile, nodding my head at him as I slung my scarf around my neck. It had continued to snow all day, and it was piling up on the sidewalks and streets. Luckily ice was hard to form along the Mediterranean from all of the salt that came off the sea.

They walked out to his car, and as usual he opened the door for her. They drove in silence – not even the radio was playing. They went to his house, something she was incredibly nervous about, but her laptop with the article was in her oversized bag. Once at his spacious house, she pulled out her computer, not bothering to change into more comfortable clothes. She hadn’t even brought any, she was too worried.

“Are you sure everything is alright?” Carles asked.

I shook my head, “We need to talk.” He nodded, moving to sit next to me. “Now, I really want to trust you. My heart tells me that I should. I keep thinking, what if this was reversed and it was me that you didn’t trust and I can’t imagine how rough that would feel. But at the same time I need to know the truth,” I rambled, unable to stop myself.

“Aurora, what is this all about?” Carles asked, reaching for my hand. I turned my laptop to face him, the article on the screen.

His eyes scanned over the picture and title. “That’s not me,” I said pathetically at last.

“Aurora, I love you and only you. That is the assistant of my investment manager, who couldn’t meet with me that day, but still wanted to get the figures to me. The press never bothers to do their research. They just report what will sell the most stories,” he explained. “Why haven’t they learned about me then?” I sniffed. Part of me realized I was looking for a reason not to trust him for the sake of protecting myself, but I didn’t stop.

“You’ve always wanted to avoid them, so we have. If you want to go out and kiss in the middle of a press conference I would, Querida,” he said, running his fingers through her hair.

Tears formed in her eyes, “I’ve been so stupid.” He shook his head, “It’s only natural to worry. But please just talk to me. If I’ve done something wrong I’ll own up to it. I’m sorry I even gave you reason to doubt to begin with. I know your heart is in the right place, and you don’t accuse people lightly.”

He pulled her into a tight embrace, muscles constricting around her much slighter frame.

I knew this was not attractive at all, me sobbing in his arms over my own stupidity, but he didn’t complain once. He sat there and held me, disregarding all of my sobs and hiccups and sniffling. Somehow he was fine with just sitting there while I made a fool out of myself, rocking me gently while whispering sweet things in my ear. I barely even registered his words, but just knowing he was there was more than enough.

I felt exhausted by the time I managed to control myself, and Carles tucked me into bed. I watched blearily as he slid off my work clothes, hands sometimes lingering more than they should. He slipped on one of his t-shirts, which fell mid-thigh on me.
He then disappeared into the bathroom to change, and reappeared mere minutes later.

He slipped under the covers next to me, his arm constricting around my frame as he pulled me close. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, and his hair tickling my skin when he shifted.

I had never quite gotten used to sleeping with another person in one bed. Sometimes we would go to sleep in each other’s arms, and wake up on opposite sides of the bed. Other times I would be practically smothering him with my body. It was hard not waking each other up – something we both had to work around at times.

As my body finally was too tired and exhausted to stay awake, I slipped into sleep, comforted by Carles’ presence. Perhaps it was time we publicized our relationship correctly. In a way that no one would mistake.